My Journal

lonely_soul_01 @ 2009-01-10T15:25:00

2009-01-10T04:38:36Z

ok so lets continue on from my lasr post shall we.

about the whole perents thing... thats still a mess, but, as things go, its bearable most of the time. nothing seems to be happening about the whole seperating thing and that gets a bit annoying, not knowing what is going on.

ok so next thing... the whole boy business... THAT was a complete disaster... he didnt like me and well after my birthday he just stopped talking to me altogether. which was upsetting, but i got over it, as you do. but strangly, the whole time i was with that boy, i kept thinking that i wished he was someone else.

so fell for someone else. and couldn't get them off my mind. so i decided to hook up with them on camp....

went on school camp... and hooked up with my friend Liam... that was an interesting bus trip. he asked me out. which i might add i was really happy about.

we've been going out for 5 months now, and i couldnt imagine life without him anymore. i love him so much, and he makes me so happy. he's all i dreamed about and more. wow that sounds super corny but oh well... i doubt you care.

end of year 10 was a relief.. now on to horrible year 11, VCE. im shiting myself about it all, but im hoping it will turn out ok.

chirstmas and new years were fairly quiet. not much going on....

went camping with family and Liam.. went better then i expected it to go. mum actually likes him. and for her thats a first....

well i think ive gotten everything off my chest.... wow this is a long entry... welol until i remember to right in this again.. ciao!!!

XoXo

lonely_soul_01 @ 2008-07-07T20:29:00

2008-07-07T10:45:02Z

Ok so let's see, the last time I posted an entry I was pretty mixed up. Not much has changed really. But some things are getting better at least.

It's not unbearable at home, although sometimes it feels like it. Mother and Father are still fighting, and are still seperating, but I'm starting to get used to the idea a little.

But not everything is bad. I met a boy, he's so nice and really sweet. I think i may like him alot. He he. He makes me blush, and he makes me feel special, and loved.

That's about it really.

Till next time

xx

Shell

window into the mind of a crazy girl

2008-04-11T06:48:20Z

hmm ok well i havnt seen this thing in a while thats for sure... well lets see whats been happening in my life... well i dunno really...

parents are splitting up... which i am really sad about... i keep trying to blame one of them, but that doesnt help because it just makes me feel worse. like im picking sides. in these situations i dont think you can blame anybody, becausde not just one person is at fault. its making me feel horrible, and im having a hard time coping and adjusting to everything. its kind of all in limbo at the moment. mum is sleeping in another room and is really disconected with us. and well dad, he's trying to put things back together but its just a little too late to do anything to fix it. that shit has been and gone, a long time ago.

I didnt go to school on wednesday. even though this is only the first week back.
i guess i couldn't handle it. i had some home work to do and i was so stressed about it and with what going on at home i guess my mind just broke down. i just couldnt seem to face the world. i told mum about it, she wasnt very happy about it. she seemsed a bit concerned, but not enough to try and do anything about it.

jess' party next weekend. which is going to be awesome! something fun to do to keep my mind off things. im going as a can-can dancer from moulan rouge. its a really cool costume, i like it. pitty om going to have to take it back. i would love to keep it but i dont think the people at the costume shop would let me. haha

hey im doing a play!! its for theatre studies. its called Medea, its an ancient greek play. its really interesting actually. im really liking it. it takes my mind off things. the horse riding used to do. its good to be able to just completely block everything out except for what your meant to be doing.

well i think ive rambled on her for long enough, but its not like anyone is actually going to read this thing. i dont think many people use this site anymore. oh well

signing off

shell bell

Life is.....

2007-12-10T08:21:20Z

Oh how life is grand!!!

I feel on top of the world at the moment! Guess who has a lovely boyfriend!
You guessed it, ME!!

He is wonderful. he makes me so happy, and he's so sweet and nice and iv'e never felt this kind of feeling before.

It's strange but also very, very good!

Life is great. Everything seems to be perfect. New boyfriend, chirstmas hols coming up, awsome parties, awsome friends!

Life really couldn't get that much better....Unless mum and dad decided to buy me my very own horse!! But thats not going to happen.

Ah well life is fantastic!

peace out!

lonely_soul_01 @ 2007-12-01T16:43:00

2007-12-01T05:57:06Z

not really a good day today, well so far anyway.

so here's how it all went down so far....

got up at 9.19am after forgetting to set mmy alarm the night before... =|

got in the shower, washed, dried and got dressed for horse riding.
went down stairs watched tv, almost forgot what the time was, saw the time was 10.14am made toast for breakfast, then got hurried out the door by mum because we were going to be late. because of the rushing i forgot to get my drink bottle... =|

got to horse riding, had so much fun! but had to ride next to jester....little kid that so doesnt know how to control the horse he is normaly riding.

riding class finished, hoped off horse and horse stood on my fucking foot, squashing my right big toe. not cool jettie boy!!

after that i put the stupid horse in the stupid stable, where i took off his briddle, and he swung round to eat the stupid food that was in the food bin thingy. then i turned to leave and the fucking horse kicks my in the back of m fucking thigh. i could have killed him, but unfortunatly i was in a fair bit of pain, and a bit of shock too.

got out of the stable as quick as i could.... my riding teacher said i was lucky i was so close to the horse, she said if i was a bit further away he would have got more force behind his stupid foot and he would have knocked me to the ground and i could have possibly broken my leg. so not cool!!

well i guess bad things always come in 3's. or 7's, god i hope its not 7's. i hate having bad luck, it hurts.

the last time bad luck struck me, i ended up in hospital from a bike crash, a big fat lump on my head the following week and it all ended with me geting a cold....

how annoying..... as i said. i hate bad luck.

i hope its over now though, as i have party to go to tonight and dont want bad luck messing everything up.

well best be off, must get ready.

Writer's Block: Like No Other

2007-12-01T05:26:58Z

What makes you unique?

View 181 Answers

what makes me unique is that i am me.

there is no one in the world quite like me.....

no one with the same personality, or looks, or anyone who thinks quite the same way i do.

no one in the world believes in things like me, no one in the world acts the same way i do around friends and family.

sure some people may come close to a few of these thigs but only I have all of these qualities.

Thats what makes me, well me.

lonely_soul_01 @ 2007-11-30T22:20:00

2007-11-30T11:23:09Z

fucking hell life really sucks right now...

i need some cheering up

= (

i feel so sad, and lonely and my parents arn't really making me feel any better.

they're actually making me feel even more shity then i already am.

*sigh*

i guess this is life then huh.

just chating away the insanity

2007-11-28T07:04:29Z

Why does life have to be so darn complicated??

Life is really annoying me with its complicated-ness. Why cant everything happen just like a fairy tale?

If you like someone and someone likes you, you go out....not fucking pussy foot around eachother all the time...

Man.....

I guess I'm just a little upset because it seems like one of my friends is having a hard time, and I feel like I havn't been there like I used too, when they where at the same school. I wish I knew what was wrong. Then I could help. I miss this person like crazy and kind of feel a bit helpless because I don't know whats bothering them....

I wish i knew what was going on in people's heads, that would make things less confusing....

maybe

*sigh*

Silly life and all it's problems!

Roses In Winter

2007-11-28T06:54:11Z

just something i wrote for english..... i got a pretty good mark on it so I'm happy. just thought i'd put it on here....

The roses were a gardener’s delight, but the sickly scent merely reminded me of the starkness these thorn covered bushes portrayed in winter. How I longed for the cold and dampness to return. Don’t worry, I told myself. Only one more week to go, then the real fun could begin.

I pulled my long black coat tighter around my body, walking from the park. My mind wondered back to the roses, their lovely red petals, so soft, so delicate.

I walked up the drive way, reaching in my pocket for my key. After fumbling around for a while I finally retrieved the small silver key and placed it in the lock. I turned the key, waiting for the little click that would tell me I could go inside.

“Mum!” I yelled once I had stepped into the house. “I’m home. Where are you?” I heard a shuffle of footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Ah Aniki, there you are. I was wondering when you would be home, where did you go?” asked my Mother.
“I already told you, I went for a walk down at the park.” I said, a little annoyed that she had forgotten.
“That’s right now I remember. So how was it?”
“It was alright, it’s getting colder now, winter’s coming.” I said with a little hint of glee in my voice.
“So it is, but Aniki I thought you didn’t like the cold.” My Mother said, a little confused.
“I don’t.” I exclaimed. “I just like the fact that winter means less sunlight during the day.”
“You are a strange girl Aniki.” My Mother said, heading into the kitchen.
“Why thank you Mum, I do try my hardest.” I said, a smile spreading across my face.

I slowly headed up the stairs, towards my room. I was almost there when I heard the doorbell ring. I ran back downstairs, ready to be annoyed at whoever was on the other side of the door. It was Kora. My annoyance subsided at once. I threw my arms around her, squeezing the breath out of her.
“Okay, okay, I get it, I missed you too. Now let me go before I die from being over hugged.” She said jokingly. I let her go at once, excited to see her. It had been three whole weeks since I had last seen her.
“Come in! How are you? How was the trip? Did you get me anything?” I asked, not thinking about what I was saying.
“One question at a time okay?” Said Kora, smiling. “I’m great, the trip was great and yes as a matter of fact I did get you something.”
“Oh YAY!” I exclaimed, jumping up and down. I quickly grabbed Kora by the wrist and ran up the stairs, pulling Kora along behind me.

Once we were in my room I let go of her wrist and jumped on my bed, both of us giggling like little girls.
“So Kora are you staying the night?” I asked, hoping the answer would be yes.
“What do you think?” She said, with that little glint in the corner of her eye.
“Excellent.” I said excitedly. “So this present you have for me?”
“Yeah, yeah, here it is Ms. Impatient.” She said, handing me a little box. I quickly grabbed the box and opened it. My mouth fell open the moment my eyes laid upon it. “On my god, it’s, it’s…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence.
“Yep, it’s the most valuable, forbidden thing in the world, well for us anyway.” Said Kora, her face gleaming.
“This is too much,” I said still in shock over what was inside the little box. “I’ve never in my wildest dreams thought I would possess something like this.”

For Inside the little box was a vile, and inside the vile was pure, red, blood.
But not just any blood, this blood was from the most innocent thing in the world. A young child.
I opened the vile and took the smallest of sips, making sure not to drink too much. The cool refreshing liquid washed down my throat.
“This is unbelievable, utterly amazing. How did you get it? We’re not allowed to go near children.” I said, a little confused.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” Her voice was cold and distant.

“So!”Kora said, changing the subject. “Are you ready for some fun?”
“Since when am I not?” I asked, teasingly.
So with that I opened my curtains. The moon was calling us. I opened the window and stepped up onto the edge, ready to jump off.
“Hey wait for me!” Said Kora, excitement welling up in her voice.
“Well hurry up then.” I said, laughing. So Kora stepped up onto the window and at the count of three we both jumped off. Our arms transformed into wings, our head, body and legs all started to shrink. We had become creatures of the night. Feared by some, misunderstood by all. We had become bats.

We flew for hours, swooping and gliding. Looking down at all the houses, imagining the poor people inside that were afraid of the night. We flew towards the clock tower, our usual hanging place. We could see the whole town from the tower. We could see the night sky, black and beautiful. The stars were sparkling down on us, their essence illuminating the night.

I thought to myself as I clung there, Kora beside me, this is my home. It’s where I belong. I don’t want to leave this place, not in a million years, and I never will.

English poem stuff

2007-03-20T09:51:26Z

Taken from my bed,
In the middle of the night.
Led downstairs,
Not a light on in sight.

His hands take mine;
They are so cold and firm.
He leads me away,
I struggle and squirm.

He opens a door,
And shoves me inside.
I’m scared and confused,
I feel I must hide.

He takes off my dress,
Tears rolling down from my eyes.
He forces himself onto me,
To proclaim his prize.

A sharp pain goes through me,
Blood trickles down my leg.
I try to break free,
But he has me pegged.

When he is done,
He takes me back to my bed.
I feel so ashamed,
It’s all my fault,
That’s what he said.

The Old Woman And I

2007-03-10T11:16:59Z

Title: The Old Woman And I
Rating: G
POV:1st person
Disclaimer: I don't actually know what to put in here

I see An Old Woman standing at the front door of her old, dilapidated little house, the door wide open.

Birds are chirping loudly as they fly over head, one, two, three, right past the house. I hear her dog in the backyard, barking loudly at passers by.

I take a step closer towards the house; the smell of roses fills the air. They bloom and flourish, they are so beautiful. I lean forward and touch the soft, red rose making sure of break the soft, delicate petals. The whole thing is just so pleasant, so beautiful; I feel a sense of peace just by looking at it.

I looked up and saw the Old Woman was staring at me. She had such cold, uninviting eyes. I stared into them and wondered if she could maybe, just maybe see my soul. I quickly averted my gaze to small, old, wrinkled face. She seemed so stern, and yet so fragile. Her nose was small and simple, her lips light pink in colour, tight and elegant. Her white hair rests comfortably on her shoulders, curly and frizzy with just a hint of bounce. Her clothes simple but lovely. Her black skirt was old and frayed at the ends; her grey top had just the smallest hole on the right shoulder.

She beckoned me to go inside to get out of the cold. I knew I shouldn’t have gone inside, but something was pulling me in, some kind of magical force I couldn’t control. I stepped inside the Old Woman’s house; she closed the door behind me.

As I walked through the old hallway, I noticed a collection of black and white war photos. I walked over at what looked like the most worn out photo. I asked her who was in the photo. I didn’t know why but for some reason the photo looked familiar. The Old Woman said that one of the men in the photo was her husband Phil and the other one was his best friend and commander. I looked at the photo for ages, I knew I’d seen it before but I didn’t know when or where.

I spent the rest of the afternoon eating cake and drinking tea with the Old Woman. But that photo was still in the back of my mind.

It was late when I got back home. I untied my shoes and slipped them off and suddenly it hit me, I knew where I had seen that photo before. I hurried up the stairs quickly and into the attic. I pulled am old box from the very corner of the room. I opened it, inside were dozens of black and white photographs, all form around World War II. I searched through them until I found the one I was looking for. It was the same photo the Old Woman had, and on the back there was something written.

It said Grandpa John and his best mate Phil, World War II.

Just then everything fit. That’s why I went into the Old Woman’s house even though I know it was wrong. I ran down stairs and opened the door, I ran as fast as I could back to the Old Woman’s house. I knocked on the door, moments later she appeared, robe and slippers on. She looked annoyed and restless, until I showed her the picture. She couldn’t believe it. We both stood there in silence for ages. Finally she spoke; it was short and sweet, but got right to the point.

I stood there speechless, all alone. The Old Woman had disappeared.

The End

Midnight

2007-01-23T09:27:50Z

Title: Midnight
Rating:PG
POV: 1st Person
Disclaimer: Always stay true to your loved ones

It was midnight and I was standing on the bridge. I turned around, startled by the headlights coming. It was a car. I screamed but it was too late. I had been hit and thrown up in the air, for a second it felt like gravity didn’t exist, and then back down to the ground again. I was sprawled out across the road, lying there, dieing there. My mind flashed back to only this morning where all this mess began.

The bell rang; I was going to be late for class. I ran and reached the class room just in time. I reached for the door and opened it and went inside. ‘Made it.’ I thought.

My Home Group teacher Mr. Hynes came into the room right after me. I quickly sat down next to James Carlson, the hottest guy in class. He was so cute and ALL mine. Mr. Hynes went to the front of the class and began to read out the roll. James turned to me and said, ‘Hey Babe’ and kissed me on the cheek. I smiled and ‘Hi’ back.

In first period I had science, my most hated subject and a total waist of time. Period two was maths and period three was S.O.S.E. During period three a note went around the class, it said in big bold letters “PARTY TONIGHT! Down at the old box factory, west Melbourne.” All the best parties where held down there. I turned to James and asked if he was going, he said. “Sure Babe I wouldn’t miss it.” I smiled and turned to my best friend Fiona and asked if she was going. She said, “For sure, everyone’s going to be there.” I laughed and went back to work.

After school I went over to Fiona’s house to get ready for the big party. Fiona always had the cutest clothes. It was a long process but finally we decided what to wear, Fiona went with a black mini skirt and a lovely white V-line top. I went with Blue Jeans and a backless, Black top with fake diamonds around the front.

At 7.30pm we left Fiona’s house to meet James and his mate Tom at his house. When we arrived we knocked on the door and out came Tom and James looking very handsome indeed.

We all walked down to the factory and slipped through a whole at the back of the factory. When we went in music was playing loudly and drinks where being passed around to everyone. James and Tom went down to get us a drink, while Fiona and I went to go dance. After 4 hours of dancing and jumping around I sat down to catch my breath. Fiona disappeared and James went to get something to eat. After 10 minutes I went looking for James. I went over to Tom and asked him where James went. He said he went outside, so I went outside to see if he has alright.

I had just turned the corner and saw James, with his tongue down some chick’s throat!!! I went over and pulled him away, and there was Fiona!! I turned to Fiona and just stood there, my mouth open in disbelief. Suddenly I ran, I didn’t know why but for some reason I ran back to the party. I went over and sat on a seat and started to cry. Then Tom came over to see what was wrong, I told him everything, I was so angry at James and Fiona I couldn’t think properly. I got up and was just about to leave when James stopped me. I just stood there looking at him with such hatred, such disgust I couldn’t speak. I started to walk past him when he grabbed me on my arm. I turned around and slapped him on the face. I ran as fast as I could out of the factory and down the street, tears running down my cheeks. I ran and ran until I was out of breath. I was on the road now crossing the bridge. I was two blocks away from my house. I looked at my watch. It was midnight. I was standing on the bridge. I turned around, startled by the headlights coming. It was a car…

The End

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T06:45:45Z

Hello, hello I just thought I should say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Right now I have my cousins over. It's the best because we all get along really well, most of the time. This Christmas the family gathering is at my place and as usual Josh and Aaron are playing up and fighting all over the house. Right now it's Aaron, Josh, Nathan, Rebecca, Katherine and I up stairs listening to music and talking.

So that's all I wanted to say really. Just thought you all should know.

How was your Christmas???? i would love to hear about it =D

Michelle xoxo

what the hell?!?!?!

2006-12-17T05:29:31Z

Life is wonderful!!!

well at the moment anyway.

i have a wonderful boyfriend, my parents arn't fighting and yelling at me or my sister, it is 9 days till Christmas, i have two new beautiful kittens that are the cuttest things you will ever see, and i have the most wonderful friends a person could ever want. Life at the moment is almost perfect.

So why do i feel so lonely and sad???

Latley I've been havng this strange feeling that something is going to go wrong. It's upsetting me because I'm meant to be happy, i want to be happy but this feeling deep inside me is spoiling it all.

What could i do to make this horrible thing go away, i hate it being here, inside my head all the time, it's all i can think about and it's driving me crazy.

just some crazy shit I did in english today

2006-11-29T10:41:55Z

OK. Well this is just some crazy shit I made up before. I had to write down heaps of random words and place them in a story.

Title: English crap
Rating: PG
POV: 1st person
Disclaimer: Horror may scare some readers.

I am the evil zombie vampire princess.

Hell is a Red Island shadowed with hate.

The devil hates love, peace, victory and computers.

I fall down from heaven up high in the sky, closed doors behind me.

I shudder and bleed; despising the world, nothing new will open in this low white light.

The End

A story I wrote.

2006-11-25T06:46:19Z

Title: Somebody can make a difference
Rating: PG (Adult themes)
POV: 1st person
Disclaimer: Family violence may offend some readers.

Slam! The sound of my father getting home. Judging by the noise he was making he had had a few drinks and was not happy. I lay on my bed, hearing him swear and yell at my mother, telling her she was useless and pathetic as a person.
I couldn’t take it anymore, all my life I had been listening to this crap, and then finally something inside me just snapped. I ran down stairs, ready to tell my father just what I thought of him. I entered the room, my fists clenched and ready for a fight. I approached my mother and father who where in the kitchen. I could see the fear that was in her eyes. I called out to my father, my voice steady and calm. He turned, surprised to see me. I walked right up to him, my face so close to his that our noises almost toughed. I knew he could see the hatred I had in my eyes, and for the first time in my life I wasn’t afraid of him. I knew he was stronger and I knew he could easily crush me like a bug, but still I stood there, teeth clenched and eyes blazing. I said but one word to him and one word alone. STOP!
He said nothing, just stood there, his race red and wrinkled. It seamed like a lifetime had gone by, when in reality it had only been 20 seconds. I knew what was coming next and still I did not run, I did not turn away and go to my room so he could scream at my mother some more. I held my ground like a true hero would in the face of danger. I knew what he was going to do, but I also knew that if it happened my mother would leave, and that is all I truly ever wanted.

I shut my eyes and prepared my body for the blow I was about to receive. He raised his hand and clenched it into a fist. When it hit me I fell back, but still I remained upright. So he did it again, and again, and again.
I lay on the floor bleeding, my clothes red and torn. My body feeling no pain, it seemed like a dream. But of course it was real. I continued to lie there for what seemed like days, but which would only have been 10 minutes of so. Then I felt a hand touch my neck and a man’s voice saying something. I felt the man lift me up and place me on a bed and wheel me outside to the waiting ambulance. I knew then that my mother had done the right thing. She had called for help at long last and now, finally, we would be safe.

The End

My first entry.

2006-11-25T05:14:50Z

Just a little something about me.

Name: Michelle
Age: 14
Birthplace: Melbourne
Current location: Altona Meadows
Hair Colour: Blonde
Eye Colour: Blue
Talents: Writing, listening.

Favourites.
Activities - I love horse Riding, mostly jumping and bare back riding, music!

Food - Spaghetti THE BEST IN THE WORLD! cookie dough,chinese, toast and butter! =P

Likes
-rain on a hot day
-cold showers
-individuality
-reading before bed
-hugs (and lots of them)
-hanging with friends
-theatre
-horse riding
-the country
-partys
-beach on a hot night with friends
-dancing
-bludge periods
-eating chocolate bunny rabbits in the middle of the night a month after easter!!! (with jess =P)
-all my friends (actually make that loves)

Dislikes
-fighting
-being betrayed by people i trust
-people who think they're better than everyone else
-self-centered people who think the world revolves around them
-people who mistreat others for being different
-people who don't respect others
-sluts
-people who don't respect your privacy
-liars
-people who say horrible things about the ones i care about